This I Now Know ...

"Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!"  And with that, even as his eyes were lifted up to gloat on his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink,and then with a shriek he fell.  Out of the depths came his last wail Precious, and he was gone."
  -  JR Tolkien -

I know that, in the past, I was often prone to this particular human frailty and perhaps - 'often' is an understatement.  I had always considered my 'justification' of needing to control everything in my life as simply a bad habit.  A survival tool.  A excusable method of maintaining order.  A part of my nature.  But I now know this belief, is for me, as in the case of Gollum, just a tragedy the human nature.  This belief that we can control the world around us , this belief that we need to control the world around us and that nothing should ever be left  to fate, faith or the whimsy of time ...

Taking control of your life is not entirely a bad thing, however, this much I now know ... the only thing in my life that I can ever really control is the choices I make.  I now believe that any attempt at control is usually to just an attempt to manipulate or subvert others & events to ensure the overcome you desire. Trying to control life is much like trying to avoid or ignore events or circumstance in of your life - neither one will allow you to live life to the fullest. 

I now know that a life well lived is about the choices you make and making the most of your choices.  It has little or nothing to do with control.  The need to control will only consume you as it did Gollum and ultimately steal from you - everything that is precious  ...

Making the hard choices in life is difficult and living with the consequences of those choices is often even more so.  This morning as I wrote in my journal I realized that I was at a point in my life where I needed to make some very personal & very tough choices.  I was horrified to realize that I had been trying to control the thoughts and choices of others to help me avoid dealing with some issues that I would rather not face.   But, as I wrote I realized that avoidance is not a choice - it is a passive attempt at control.

So, while it may be human nature to always want to control everything - today I prayed that my faith would fill me with the strength & wisdom to help me make these difficult & uncomfortable choices and be ever mindful of the consequences they may wield  ...

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